Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
