we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize