If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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