He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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