I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
