Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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