She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
