She announced her abortion via fbk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
