we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
