things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
do nipples grow back?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
