We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
