Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
