You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
