I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
