nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
