So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
