Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How's work?
Spinning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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