Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i already hear my dad disowning me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
