All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
