are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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