tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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