yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
