Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize