The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
