This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
