I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
