I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
