I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His hands were made for my vagina.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
