But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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