Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
