No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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