Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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