3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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