So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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