i jhust puked up my retainher.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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