Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
