We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
