Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
