have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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