mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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