u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
