mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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