Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you would pick up someone in the library
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
