So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
