shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
