My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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