I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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