I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize