did you get engaged???
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
