Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
