Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
