Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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