you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
