The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My pussy is not your playground.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
