We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
