so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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