I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
