Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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