Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
