The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize