I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
