I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My vagina is officially offended.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
