i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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