Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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