if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
