is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
