thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
