i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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