I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
